A Change in Seasons

The calendar is getting ready to change to November and the weather outside has been very cold this weekend. Every year around this time I start to feel different. I’m not sad or depressed, just different. I feel like I need to get motivated to do basic tasks. I start thinking about how I need to warm up my car before I leave. I think about how I need to leave earlier for everywhere I need to go. Then I have to remember that it’s going to take me longer to get there. Everything just seems to get harder when the weather changes this time of year. Even though the winter months have Thanksgiving and Christmas, I’m just not excited about this season.

I remember the first time I heard someone refer to a time in their life as a season. It sounded weird but made complete sense. If you lost someone close to you, you could go through a season of mourning. If you have had a lot of good things happen, maybe you could say you are going through a season of success. If you are unhappy, maybe you are going through a season of frustration. The crazy part is that sometimes you don’t know you are going through a season until it’s over and something new starts. Even though I am not ready for the winter season, I do think I am ready for the next season of life. The last few months have felt like a season of waiting. I can feel a distinct difference between a season of preparation and a season of waiting.  The last few months have felt like waiting. The worst part is that I don’t know what I am waiting for. Is this something personal or professional? Feels like both. It feels like three months ago someone went around and started collecting information for something. Then they told me that it would take a few months to go over everything, that is the season that just happened. If I was going to put a timeframe on everything, I would say that April through August was a time for collecting data. Then in September and October someone took that data and analyzed it. They told me that the report would be ready November 1st. So here I am, the wait is over, and the report will show up in my inbox on Wednesday. I’m excited for the waiting period to be over, but I have no idea what the report is about. I have absolutely no idea what is next, but I am sick of waiting. I want the report to be in spreadsheet form, but I want it to be a list of action items. What do I need to get rid of, what do I need to focus on? Where do I need the most improvement? I want half of it to be personal and half to be professional. Brutal honesty preferred.

The reality is that Wednesday morning will come and go and no weird emails will show up to any of my accounts. No data was collected and analyzed. No report has been created and I will not be receiving a spreadsheet filled with action items. So, what have I been waiting for? If I’m being honest, I think I was waiting for a challenge. Not a normal daily or weekly challenge. I was waiting for the bad guys to show up. I was waiting for the situation to come where I was outmanned, outgunned and my back was against the wall. The ominous music has started to play, and people are wondering if this is the final episode in the final season. I don’t have a report, but I do need to do some self-reflection. If I want to get past this next season, I need to refocus, I need to get rid of a few things that have been dragging me down. I need to trust my strengths and look at what and where I need to improve on. I need to trust the game plan I created, but not be afraid to go back and adjust. I must remember that having to adjust doesn't mean that I made a mistake, it means that circumstances changed, and I have to change, or I won’t survive. I know I have said this before, but now is the time for action. I feel like I had a period of time when I wasn’t at full strength. People noticed and took full advantage. My back is against the wall, but now is the time that I will take all of that knowledge acquisition and turn it into application.